Monday, July 9, 2012

All I Want is to write a Really Good Book. That's all.

 I'm sorry I've been out of the office. I had an existential breakdown. For reals.

Don't worry, I'm better now.

It's been a month long process of figuring out who I want to be as a writer. I've had some serious breakthroughs and made some heart-wrenching decisions (like re-writing my WIP COMPLETELY). You know, stuff like that.

I had amazing help with my emotional state at WIFYR with my critique partners, my incredible author instructor and all my new writing friends from boot camp *waves to bootcampers*

Right now I feel in control of my writing life again. I'm taking it slow and allowing myself the time to write a really good book.

Also, I've mixed in some serious summer things like a lot of swimming, sunshine, and camping with watermelon and bears. Oh yeah, and I've been busy being a mom. You know, little stuff like that.


How bout you? Have you ever had existential crises related to your writing? And if so, what has the outcome been?

16 comments:

  1. Any time I have an existential breakdown as a writer I've just looked to my rock of an older sister ... now I'm not sure what to do!

    Nah, I then consider my next job as a comic strip artist until that breaks down ... then I go back to writing.

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    1. Hm. Who is this amazing older sister of yours. We must meet her!

      I like the comic strip idea. I'm really good at stick figures, that counts, right?

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  2. I think I'm in one right now. My computer broke down and I lost my new WIP. I want to throw up my hands a give up writing altogether. Being sick in bed isn't helping either. Taking it slowly seems the way to go, but doing nothing right now looks really good too.

    I am glad you're out of your rut, though. Very glad.

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    1. Oh Ilima, yours sounds so much worse than mine. Crossing my fingers that you get your WIP back!!!

      Stay in bed and sleep for three days. Then worry about it.

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    2. Ilima, your Macbook Air broke down????! That makes me a little worried ... :(

      I hope you are feeling better soon! And I am hearbroken to hear you lost your new WIP. I have had this happen. I immediately got Dropbox afterwards, and I have never lost anything writing-related since.

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  3. I have had MANY of these. A lot of them happened in the first year of my writing, because I expected every thing I wrote to be perfect, and it so wasn't. So all I got was harsh criticism every step of the way (mainly because of my own expectations). So I rewrote and rewrote and rewrote and started over and rewrote and rewrote and started over...and you get the point. These crises usually seem to come down to patience and expectations. The important thing is not to give up. And that's what I keep trying to tell myself every day. <3 you, Em!

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  4. Also, what I've learned from your comment, is to lower your expectations :)

    Never give up is great advice. *clings to advice*

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  5. Good to hear you're in control again.
    To me this writing thing sometimes feels like a potion cutting me in half. On half is the crazy happy creative me and the other the depressive failure me.
    (That sort of counts as a breakdown, right?)

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    1. Yes Irene! I feel the same way. Thank you for putting it so well! I hoping to get more in tune with the crazy happy creative me and less of the depressive failure me. Just gotta figure out how to do that.

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  6. I decided to change my MS from a NA to YA in March. I was pregnant with #4 at the time and barely got into the rewrite before my brain went kaput. I picked up again in May and have been plodding along through since. I'm over half way. As for the outcome, that's still pending, but I feel good about where my wip is headed. I'm a big believer of following your gut.

    New follower!

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    1. Wow. I don't know how you do it with a newborn! You are amazing! I know about following your gut. Sometimes, it takes us a long time to figure out what our gut wants. Plus, mine seems to be always confused with wanting chocolate...that makes it really hard to find out the REAL important things like what to do with my WIP.

      Anyway, welcome to my yellow room and nice to meet you!

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  7. Emily, I am happy to hear you are in a good place now. I have been through many crises related to my writing. They seem to happen about once every six months, around the time I forget that it's not about sales and making money or being popular or being published or any of that. I always seem to come back to the "I have to keep my eyes on my own paper" attitude. It's so easy to think this is a competition, and it isn't, even when money and sales are involved. Everyone's career will be different, and I think the most important thing for me to have realized is patience and that my career spans ahead of me for years and years and years. I love to remember that I will write and share a lot of books in my lifetime. I want to make each one special, and the only way to do that is make it the best it can be no matter what.

    I have rewritten from scratch two novels. One of them I rewrote from scratch multiple times, but it was all worth it when I finally wrote it exactly the way I have always envisioned it. Absolutely nothing - even being published - compares with that feeling!

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    1. Michelle,
      Thank you for your comment. It gives me hope. I like the thought: "Keep your eyes on your own paper." Maybe I'll stitch that into a throw pillow or something.

      Also, I'm feeling good about my rewrite plans so far, which really helps in this process. I'm happy to see that you've done it successfully.

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  8. Life is an eternal existential crisis.

    I rewrote my first novel several times because it wasn't working. From being a serious piece of SF, it turned into a much more workable piece of SF comedy, mainly because of the characters. They HATED being serious.

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    1. My first (trunked) novel is SF. It's super tricky to get all the layers of world-building and depth and getting the science right. I love that yours turned into a comedy! And even more that your characters dictated that!

      I need to listen to my characters more.

      Thanks for your comment. I LOVE that I have this little nauseating yellow-wallpapered room where we can all meet and you can all be my cheerleaders! Thank you all!!

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  9. Hola. :) Just thought I'd come by and say hi. I too have had an existential crisis recently. The outcome was: "Well, Joseph you can either write for money, fame and glory, or you can just write to stay sane. But you pretty much have to write, so pick one and be happy."

    :)

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