Breaking

To be whole, let yourself break.

To be straight, let yourself bend.
To be full, let yourself be empty.
To be new, let yourself wear out.
To have everything, give everything up.

— Lao Tzu

Surfing.

This is what I'm doing right now. I wish it was actual surfing, but it's more like figurative surfing. I have decided not to fight the waves any more. I'm going to surf them. Cause, you know what, surfing's fun.

And maybe I should do some literal surfing as well. There's nothing like sand, saltwater and sun to cheer a girl's heart.

Work.

So my daughter, Alice (who is seven) thinks I have a job. I volunteer in the school library each week during her library hour. Here's the thing: every time she comes to the library, I'm there. So in her head, I must always be at the library.

So when we were having dinner with friends she said, "My mom has a job now."

"She does?" They seemed surprised I didn't tell them.

"Yeah, she works in the library." And then Alice runs off to play.

But the funny thing is, it is kind of like a job. It's the one time a week I have to be somewhere at a certain time. And I'm almost always late and my husband and the rest of my kids make fun of me that I can't be on time to my job, which--incidentally--is once a week at 10:00 am (volunteer, of course). So all week I gear up for that one hour. It's the one day that I worry about my wardrobe. Do I have the right shoes? Should I curl my hair? I know, pathetic.

This is not to say I'm not busy. I work really hard at home. But I guess at home, no one cares if your hair is curled or if your shoes work with the rest of your outfit. And I said to Dustin yesterday, "I like working in the library. I think I could do it as a job."

And he said, "Well, you could do anything for only an hour a week."

Sigh. "No, I mean a real job."

"Why would you want to do that? You'd have to curl your hair everyday."

"True."

This Sums up my Extraordinarily Slow Writing.

Writing Again.

So amidst the revelry that is December and the depression that is January, I somehow found a new writing voice. It is nice to be writing again, to be creating something other than folded laundry and mopped floors.

February is looking to be a nicer month. Maybe a little warmer, a lot greener and lots and lots of sweet oranges from the tree.

So I write a thousand words a day with my new voice and keep going. One word, sentence, paragraph at a time. Eventually I'll have a whole book. Right?

How bout you? Are you writing or cleaning or working or just living. Tell me what you're working on.

A Conversation with my Husband about Zombies.

 

 THE WALKING DEAD is freaking killing me. I was up all night thinking and dreaming about zombies. Here is an actual conversation I had last night with Dustin:

Me: "If I become a zombie, I'd want you to kill me. Cause, you know, I'm already dead."

Dustin: "So if you're going to become a zombie, kill you?"

Me: "No. Only kill me if I already am a zombie."

Dustin: "How would I know?"

Me: "Oh. You'd know."

Dustin; "Ok."

Me. "Just one shot to the brain, that's all it takes. But make sure you hit my brain."

Dustin: "Got it." Also he's distracted cause he's trying to watch the news and I'm all serious, because, you know, THE WALKING DEAD.

Me: "And make sure you teach the kids how to shoot guns."

Dustin: "Okay."

Me: "Even Jane."

Dustin looks at me like I'm crazy and also he's like, cool. Guns and kids. Me: "Promise." And I'm like practically crying cause I want our kids to learn how to shoot zombies in the eye.

Dustin: "Jeez. I promise."

Me: "I know it's like 8:15, but I'm going to bed now."

Dustin: *stares at fox news*

I lived here.

So, many years ago. Many. I lived in New Zealand for six months. Or, as I now like to call it, Middle Earth. THE HOBBIT comes out on Friday. It was my favorite book as a child. My mom read it to us many, many times.

I love it so much.

Part of me doesn't want to see the movie though. You know what I mean?

This is Hobbiton. (Matamata, NZ)

What do you think? Are you going to see the movie? Will the magic of my Hobbiton be gone?